I wanted my first post on this mission blog to answer the question of why exactly am I going on a mission to Colima, Mexico for a year. Why am I going and what led me to this decision. The short answer to both of those questions is simple: God. But for the sake of clarity, I figure I’ll give the longer answer too.
It’s bizarre to think that I am going on mission for a year to Colima, Mexico in a little over a week. Most of all because a year ago it was in no way, shape, or form anywhere to be found in my plans.
I suppose a good place to start would be December of 2021. From January to August of that year I had been living up in LA but decided at the end of my lease to move back in with my parents for a little while as I tried to figure out my next steps. I “knew” it would be one of two options: moving back up to LA to fully start my career as an actor or moving back to NY to fully start my career as an actor. Two options but one thing consistent between them: I was going to be starting my career as an actor.
But around this same time, I began to sense a deeper call toward relationship with God. I won’t go into specifics but suffice to say I had an incredibly potent and powerful experience in prayer that pushed me toward focusing much more on my faith and how I was being called by God to serve him. So I started going to daily mass, praying the rosary every day, attending the young adult group at my parish, and other ways of seeking to cultivate a relationship with God. And accordingly, I began to experience numerous blessings in my life, moments of consolation and even miraculous healing of past wounds. God was bestowing a bounty of gifts to me. In response, I felt a desire to serve Him in some concrete, actual way.
And that’s when my friend David, a FOCUS (Fellowship of Catholic University Students) missionary, invited me to join him on a mission trip to Lima, Peru. I was sitting at dinner with my parents and I got a text from him out of the blue: the gist was, “Hey Timmy! I’m going on a mission trip to Peru! Tonight’s the deadline! Wanna come?!” My reaction was, of course, “Praise God! I will absolutely go! Hallejuah!!!”
No. It wasn’t. It was more like, “Eh… sure, I guess.” I had never gone on a mission trip before and it wasn’t the sort of thing I had in mind when I thought of serving God more, but I was being invited so I thought, “Why not?”
And so last March, a little over six months ago, I went to Lima, Peru with a group of college students, other FOCUS missionaries, and a Salesian priest. Up until the day before I left, I thought very little of what the experience would be like. I was more focused on fundraising for the cost of it and getting my passport in time (which I got quite literally the day before our flight). I had zero expectations going into it: I was simply going to see what it had to offer.
Well, what it had to offer was a life-changing, grace-filled experience top to bottom. We went to a neighborhood on the outskirts of the city called Pamplona. Our work consisted of helping to rebuild a section of stairs the community used to get to and from their homes. However, Alejo, the man in charge of the project, said the work really was, “be there with the people.”
And for a week, we were there with them. Between carrying buckets of wet concrete up steep stairs, playing zombies with neighborhood kids, sharing jokes through broken Spanish with the adults, and dancing like an absolute gringo to the cumbia and merengue blasting out the giant speaker (and being educated on the music by a Peruvian man named Franco); between all of these minute moments, we were welcomed into the community of Pamplona. Every moment was an opportunity to give and to receive, to celebrate and to serve, to be joyfully united into one by the Holy Spirit.
It’s impossible to detail every consecrated moment and interaction from that trip in this post, but what I can say I walked away with was a desire toward a new vocation of service. When I was there, I was finding unfathomable wells of energy and joy to draw from. I was discovering so many different ways to give to and be with people: performing and listening and dancing and working and playing. Most importantly, everything came together in a central profundity: I was in the place where God desired me to be.
So when I came back home, I told God that no matter what my life was going forward, it had to have some element, some essential aspect of what I had encountered on that trip: I had to be serving in some meaningful and purposeful way. If that meant giving up acting (what I’ve always considered my true vocation), then so be it. So I decided I would return to Lima for a month in 2023, to continue to discern this vocation.
One thing I’ve begun to understand about God through this past year is, in His ever so wily and wise way, if you give Him an inch, He’ll take a mile. Because not long after I made that internal resolution, I was reached out to by the priest I met on my mission trip. He told me he thought I’d make a good “Salesian Lay Missioner” and asked if I’d like to apply to be one. He told me it was a program where I’d work with young people in a Salesian community in another country… for an entire year.
I had planned one month and God was already trying to bargain me into twelve. The awful thing about God’s invitations is… you can’t ignore them. You can’t just say, “Nope!” and be on your merry way. I mean, you can try, but you better be ready for Him to come hounding after you.
I sent in an application for the Salesian Lay Missioners because it resonated too much for me to respond with a flat-out no. I would be working with kids (check), the priest who invited me to apply had been my absolute bro on the trip (check), and, worst of all, the Salesians emphasized the importance of joy, having fun, and playing games as a way of living out the Gospel (check, check, check). All of this hit too close to home for me to brush it aside. But I still wanted to brush it aside.
Why? Because going to another country for a year of mission was crazy! Because I had already formed a plan to move back up to LA with my buddy Elhajj! Because I was an actor, not a Salesian Lay Missioner! Because I wasn’t going to and that was it.
So, after having already sent in my application, I spent about a week where I basically told God, “Nope. Nah. Not doing it. Thank You, but no.” I decisively shut it out of my mind.
And that week… was the worst week I had this entire year. You know those weeks when it seems like the entire universe is conspiring to mess with you? Yeah, it was that to the nth degree.
My car kept overheating. All the kids at the afterschool program where I worked were making my life miserable. Even with writing, my one consolation, everything that came out seemed stupid and inane. I was so exhausted and depleted that halfway through the week, I cried and spilled out my guts to my mom like a five-year-old. It was stupendously awful.
So about five days into the week, after having tried everything else, I prayed on my drive to work. I asked God, “What could it be? Why was this week so miserable?”
The answer came floating gently into my face like a neon blimp. I sighed, “Could it possibly be because I told You I wasn’t going to become a Salesian Lay Missioner?”
I didn’t hear a Voice back, but it was clear: Yeah. That’s why.
So, being unable to deny or ignore any longer, I let out an exasperated groan. As I turned onto the street my job was on, I muttered “Okay God, if this is something You’d like me to do, if it is… I’ll consider it.”
At that moment, in response to a very reluctant yes, this palpable peace descended on me. Misery was replaced by serenity. In His mercy, after I had put up a dogged and desperate fight with Him, God graced me once again with His presence. All it took was for me to say yes.
And like the first domino that drops in the line, the rest fell with it. I spent another month or two discerning to serving as a Salesian Lay Missioner (discerning basically means prayerfully seeking to know if we are truly being called by God to a certain path). Everything continued to resonate. I got along swimmingly with the director of the program, the incredible Adam Rudin. Everything I learned about the Salesians (an order of priests founded by St. John Bosco with the mission of serving young people through reason, religion, and kindness) I absolutely loved. Most importantly, whenever I thought of saying yes to the mission, I felt at peace and certain about going; and whenever I thought of saying no and instead going on with my original plans, I felt anxious, scattered, and uncertain. So at a certain point, it seemed undeniable that this was something God wanted for me.
So I said yes. I didn’t start wanting to do it when I said yes; that came later. My fears of abandoning my plans and going on mission didn’t evaporate either when I said yes, but they did later. I didn’t say yes because I wanted to serve for a year and I didn’t say yes because it seemed like a good idea: I said yes because I knew God brought it to me and He wanted me to do it. He did all the work. I just said yes
Now I am enthralled that I get to go on mission. I cannot wait to arrive in Colima and begin serving with my site partner Adam Goetz. I love that I’ll get to work and spend time with kids. I love that I’ll get to be in a community of prayer with the Salesians we’ll be living with down there. Most of all, I love that I’ll be somewhere that God wants me to be, doing the work He wants me to do, and being intentionally and intimately present with Him in the midst of it.
I thank God for this opportunity. I pray that I’ll come to a deeper understanding of how He wishes me to serve and glorify Him with my life. I hope that I may serve Him and His children well while I am there.
(and Adam Rudin, Brother Dan, and Katie)
Por Los Niños Colimense 